Joined: 26 May 2007 {Posts: 394 } Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posted: Thu 24 Jul 2008 14:16 Post subject:
gemini072 wrote:
99.9% of the time homophobia and men thinking another men is coming on to them is not reasonable. Men automatically think if a gay men is in the area he wants us.
I actually never thought this - this is the same as assuming that a heterosexual person wants everyone of the opposite sex.
However, in Larry King's case, if he wanted someone, he made sure that they knew. If you're gay, you have to be careful. I mean, if a gay dude pulls me aside and expresses interest, I have no problem saying in a respectful way that that's not the way I swing. However, if a gay dude does that to me in front of other people... I might not be as nice about it.
Face it - you don't approach someone in front of others unless you're positive that they're going to say yes. And depending on who does it, it can be downright insulting.
And don't think that this is just gay men I have this thought toward. I've never had that happen with a gay man, but I HAVE reacted this way when certain women approached me - if a woman approaches me in front of others, and she weighs 300 pounds, I see it as nothing but pure impudence; I react accordingly. I'm not saying that I'm Mr. America or that I belong in a Calvin Klein ad, but I'd like to think that I have somewhat of a well-kept, neat and clean-cut appearance, and that's all I asked for in a woman in terms of looks.
I don't think that the perception of being gay is intrinsically feared... but I know that if a heterosexual man is single, the last thing he needs is for women to think he's gay.
Last edited by Richard Miller on Thu 24 Jul 2008 14:24; edited 1 time in total
I blame the anti-social boy (the murderer), but also the school for allowing the flamboyant child to behave in a unseemingly manner unrestrainted. If they would have put their foot down, parents too, i.e NORMAL boys do not act this way, this tragedy would not have happened.
Be gay all you want, but you best keep it your yourself or at least be discreet and dignified about it.
loose girls, girls who act out sexually are very popular in school... they flirt with everyone and can be aggressive... they also can be violent toward other girls: Violent Girl Syndrome
I don't know if they can 'restrain' kids acting out.
I agree with you that
the school, parents could have done something... council? but if this stuff is happening in the cafeteria or in the halls between classes during PE I don't know how much can be done.
I blame the anti-social boy (the murderer), but also the school for allowing the flamboyant child to behave in a unseemingly manner unrestrainted. If they would have put their foot down, parents too, i.e NORMAL boys do not act this way, this tragedy would not have happened.
Be gay all you want, but you best keep it your yourself or at least be discreet and dignified about it.
How do "normal" boys act, Melani? Why should Larry, among others, have had to keep his homosexuality to himself? What is there to keep?
The problem isn't that Larry was homosexual, the problem was that Larry couldn't separate school time from play time. It amazes me that people automatically attach this sort of behavior to his homosexuality, and not to his issues as a mixed up child.
I don't understand why people are so afraid of gay people asking them out in front of their friends or other people. It's happened to me (and male friends) many times. We just say "no" and move on. Or yes...depending. Life is too short to get riled up over someone asking you out or saying they like you.
99.9% of the time homophobia and men thinking another men is coming on to them is not reasonable. Men automatically think if a gay men is in the area he wants us.
I actually never thought this - this is the same as assuming that a heterosexual person wants everyone of the opposite sex.
maybe your a part of the .1% But I have observed as well as heard in discussions, that a large percentage of men are worried about a gay man desiring them.
However, in Larry King's case, if he wanted someone, he made sure that they knew. If you're gay, you have to be careful.
I agree. They do have to be careful, I'd say the majority don't behave this way. I watched a program on this kind of behaviour. I don't think it was about homophobia but it was a part of the topic. 2 brothers in a bar having a drink before one of them catches a plain for home. Gives each other a hug. The one left catches the eye of a bar patron and smiles before finishing his drink and leaves. The bart patron (assumes he's gay and they the hugging another man(brother) and smile means he wants him) proceeds to follow the guy and makes comments (you think I'm gay...) and proceeds to beat the man...who is straight. I've been in conversations with my dad, uncles, guys at work... and the majority fall in place with similar thinking.
I remember being at a family picnic at the beach and their was another family not to far way getting prepared. My uncle was near and he pointed out "Gotta watch out for that one" I looked over and noticed a guy who was a bit flamboyant( they were also Latino). Now that statement is totally along the lines of 'that gay man will try to jump you or he wants us'
I mean, if a gay dude pulls me aside and expresses interest, I have no problem saying in a respectful way that that's not the way I swing. However, if a gay dude does that to me in front of other people... I might not be as nice about it.
Face it - you don't approach someone in front of others unless you're positive that they're going to say yes. And depending on who does it, it can be downright insulting.
But people do it all the time. Guys do it to women ALL THE TIME lol
And don't think that this is just gay men I have this thought toward. I've never had that happen with a gay man, but I HAVE reacted this way when certain women approached me - if a woman approaches me in front of others, and she weighs 300 pounds, I see it as nothing but pure impudence; I react accordingly. I'm not saying that I'm Mr. America or that I belong in a Calvin Klein ad, but I'd like to think that I have somewhat of a well-kept, neat and clean-cut appearance, and that's all I asked for in a woman in terms of looks.
I'm actually the same way. But I'm pretty nice about turning advances down. They don't know I'm not attracted to them nor do they know what I'm attracted to. She probably thinks she's cute and a good catch. From all I know the last guys she dated or went to bed with looked like me.
I don't think that the perception of being gay is intrinsically feared... but I know that if a heterosexual man is single, the last thing he needs is for women to think he's gay.
Joined: 26 May 2007 {Posts: 394 } Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posted: Sun 27 Jul 2008 04:56 Post subject:
gemini072 wrote:
I'm actually the same way. But I'm pretty nice about turning advances down. They don't know I'm not attracted to them nor do they know what I'm attracted to. She probably thinks she's cute and a good catch. From all I know the last guys she dated or went to bed with looked like me.
I addressed this in a youtube vlog that's pissing off a lot of women there.
I think that the problem is that sometimes, their confidence can get blown up alot quicker than it should be, based on who they had sex with. They MUST be attractive, because so many men have approached them, and how good these men look.
However, they fail to look at the man's perspective. I.e., those times where you walk into a club looking for that "quick fix" that you need for the night. Forget totally hot woman who's a perfect 10, she requires too much work! You need some, and you need it now!
So who do you turn to? The woman that you know is going to say "yes," the woman that you can walk out with by saying less than three words to her (at least the best looking one among the others). And the women who benefit from this... automatically start thinking that their sh!t doesn't stink.
Of course, it's not hard to do when you have men who look like Brad Pitt getting their "quick fix" from women who look like Rosie O'Donnell.
Back to the lecture at hand. Perfection is perfe... err, anyway...
Famu wrote:
I don't understand why people are so afraid of gay people asking them out in front of their friends or other people. It's happened to me (and male friends) many times. We just say "no" and move on. Or yes...depending. Life is too short to get riled up over someone asking you out or saying they like you.
Well, since you appear to be bi, then of course you'd have no problem with it.
Well, since you appear to be bi, then of course you'd have no problem with it.
I've never said "yes", but I wouldn't rule it out. People aren't mind readers. I don't know why people (especially heterosexuals) expect there to be signs hanging around their necks saying "I'm straight, don't ask me out." If a gay or bisexual guy asks you out, and you aren't gay or bisexual, say "No thanks" and move on.
Joined: 26 May 2007 {Posts: 394 } Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posted: Sun 27 Jul 2008 18:24 Post subject:
Famu wrote:
I've never said "yes", but I wouldn't rule it out. People aren't mind readers. I don't know why people (especially heterosexuals) expect there to be signs hanging around their necks saying "I'm straight, don't ask me out." If a gay or bisexual guy asks you out, and you aren't gay or bisexual, say "No thanks" and move on.
So then you're bi, right? You'd consider someone of the same sex! That's what makes your situation different from mine.
I've never said "yes", but I wouldn't rule it out. People aren't mind readers. I don't know why people (especially heterosexuals) expect there to be signs hanging around their necks saying "I'm straight, don't ask me out." If a gay or bisexual guy asks you out, and you aren't gay or bisexual, say "No thanks" and move on.
So then you're bi, right? You'd consider someone of the same sex! That's what makes your situation different from mine.
But I wouldn't know if you were bi, gay or straight just by looking at you, just like you wouldn't know if I was bi, gay or straight just by looking at me.
Joined: 26 May 2007 {Posts: 394 } Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posted: Mon 28 Jul 2008 00:51 Post subject:
Famu wrote:
But I wouldn't know if you were bi, gay or straight just by looking at you, just like you wouldn't know if I was bi, gay or straight just by looking at me.
This isn't the most PC thing to say, but it's an honest thing to say - until the person says otherwise, then one should proceed with the assumption that the person is straight.
Famu wrote:
What's wrong with just saying "no?"
Nothing - if that's how you deal with it, then fine. But I'm not going to be embarassed, and not do anything about it. Look on the bright side - at least I'm not going to shoot someone in the back of the head over it.
But I wouldn't know if you were bi, gay or straight just by looking at you, just like you wouldn't know if I was bi, gay or straight just by looking at me.
This isn't the most PC thing to say, but it's an honest thing to say - until the person says otherwise, then one should proceed with the assumption that the person is straight.
Famu wrote:
What's wrong with just saying "no?"
Nothing - if that's how you deal with it, then fine. But I'm not going to be embarassed, and not do anything about it. Look on the bright side - at least I'm not going to shoot someone in the back of the head over it.
If we were to operate under other peoples' standards of finding mates, I don't think we would really get anywhere.
Do you operate under the assumption that every woman is straight? And if you go up to a woman who is a lesbian, I'm sure you'll appreciate it more if she doesn't get riled up or embarrassed that you asked her out.
I don't understand why this situation would embarrass you--not that it's wrong or right for you to be embarrassed.
Joined: 26 May 2007 {Posts: 394 } Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posted: Mon 28 Jul 2008 14:01 Post subject:
Famu wrote:
If we were to operate under other peoples' standards of finding mates, I don't think we would really get anywhere.
I think that we've already established that asking someone out of the same sex in front of others without first confirming that the person is gay can get you shot in the back of the head.
Famu wrote:
Do you operate under the assumption that every woman is straight? And if you go up to a woman who is a lesbian, I'm sure you'll appreciate it more if she doesn't get riled up or embarrassed that you asked her out.
I don't understand why this situation would embarrass you--not that it's wrong or right for you to be embarrassed.
What if the woman gets riled up? For one thing, I would't approach a woman in front of her friends - if a woman got riled up because I did that, then I deserve it.
Other than that, if I approach a woman when she's alone, then I'd want the same respect that I'd show anyone else if they pulled me aside.
If we were to operate under other peoples' standards of finding mates, I don't think we would really get anywhere.
I think that we've already established that asking someone out of the same sex in front of others without first confirming that the person is gay can get you shot in the back of the head.
Famu wrote:
Do you operate under the assumption that every woman is straight? And if you go up to a woman who is a lesbian, I'm sure you'll appreciate it more if she doesn't get riled up or embarrassed that you asked her out.
I don't understand why this situation would embarrass you--not that it's wrong or right for you to be embarrassed.
What if the woman gets riled up? For one thing, I would't approach a woman in front of her friends - if a woman got riled up because I did that, then I deserve it.
Other than that, if I approach a woman when she's alone, then I'd want the same respect that I'd show anyone else if they pulled me aside.
Asking a guy out can get a woman shot in the head, and vise versa. In some instances, people of different races asking each other out can get them shot in the head.
It's been established that this happens, but no one, as of yet, has explained to me why. Why do people get embarrassed? Why do people get violent?
Joined: 26 May 2007 {Posts: 394 } Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posted: Mon 28 Jul 2008 20:16 Post subject:
If you live somewhere where asking someone out of another "race" can get you hurt, well... all I have to say is that if you get yourself hurt, you knew the risks before you did it. And if someone sexually harasses multiple people of that "race" in that area and get himself killed, then that's just one less idiot in the world to worry about.
If you live somewhere where asking someone out of another "race" can get you hurt, well... all I have to say is that if you get yourself hurt, you knew the risks before you did it. And if someone sexually harasses multiple people of that "race" in that area and get himself killed, then that's just one less idiot in the world to worry about.
What if you don't live in a place where you would expect to get shot for asking someone out, but another person takes it to the extreme and shoots you anyway?
We're not talking about sexual harassment, either...or at least I thought we weren't.
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but you best keep it your yourself or at least be discreet and dignified about it.
